Gossip

In my time on twitter, I have seen chicks violate “The Code” of Fuckin’ ya followers. Not that I do it, but I’m savvy enough to know the rules to this shit. Not all of you women are gorgeous. Not every man wants to claim he took you down. Be cool. Shit, you know he has a girl or other women, grab his balls & put ya phone down… Anyway, here’s some rules for a successful jump-off experience!

1. Foursquare: Do not log into Foursquare..

So, Joe Schmoe girl knows he’s out of town and watching his every move on twitter and mention. You think you’re slick by tweeting “@_____ where u at?” early in the day and then HOURS later, you check in on foursquare from somewhere in his vicinity. Chill bitch. You aint “forever”, you’re Ms. “Right now”. Put that phone down and pick up these balls. What’s the point anyway? I’m likely not gonna have you in my actual hotel room, sooo you gonna fuck around and be “The Mayor of Motel 6″?? Why would you even want that for yourself? Relax. Enjoy the moment. You want to get piped down and we want to give it to you, under the right conditions.

2. Do not “@” him

If you’re not his girl, don’t @ him. DM him. Why are you trying to draw attention. You making it hot to where his girl wont even let him out of sight long enough to whip his dick out for you to kiss. Stop trying to get points by showing you’re cool or tied a popular guy on twitter. Most popular men ON or OFF twitter have options. I will cancel you before I cancel a option who has proven herself to be worthy of an upgrade. Play ya position. Relax.

3. Subtweets are for the Hoes

You ever be sitting there and see a chick SEEMINGLY tweet to her imaginary friend? You see a whole one-sided conversation popping off and because you don’t follow the dickhead who choose to entertain that stupidity. You really think the broad is crazy? Me either. However, that shit is for the hoes. I’m not gonna seemingly hold a conversation with myself to talk to you. DM or text me bitch. We aren’t in elementary school. Again, this is another ploy for attention. If you are a jumpoff the attention you are to receive is to be limited. Stop trying to blur the lines.

4. One Man’s Jumpoff Isn’t every man’s jumpoff

If you’re a notorious “casual fuck” you’re not a jumpoff, you’re a hoe. No matter how cool guys may try to make your hoeisms acceptable, you are still a hoe. Its ok to not want anything serious at the moment. We all have that moment but ask yourself; “Were the last 2 or 3 dicks in me, that of my boyfriend? And was I anything more than pussy and convenience?” .. At some point you have to realize, like a car, ya body has an odometer. Unfortunately, as much as the “fake cool” cats on twitter want to make it cool that “you can act like a man and just want to fuck too.” You cant. It wasn’t meant to be that way and never will be that way. As much as it seems cool, just think: The same dudes words you’re living by, Is anyone cuffing the hoes they condone?” Nope. Stop being gullible. You want the dick, We wanna give it to you, but you cant want EVERYBODY dick. #ZooMouf bitch. (ZooMouf is my new slang for hoes. It means dirty mouth.. Mouth been on many dicks, ruined etc. You get the point. if not, here’s a pic of this he/she named “Zoo” Below..)

5. ScreenCaps? For What?

At this point any chick with a screencapped conversation for anything other than legal reasons is a dirty bitch. Have you never had a man say “I think you’re cute” before? Never been wanted in your life? Why do you have screencapped conversations? Two grown people mutually wanted each other in order for the conversation to happen. What kind of bitter, “I know I am an ‘aint shit’ ass hoe but if he realizes it and leave me alone before I’m ready, I’m going to release these shits” ass hoe shit is that? Act like a lady. Act like more men than the ones on twitter have wanted you in your lifetime. Chicks who are used to having men lust and thirst them don’t have to “capture” it, because they know it’s going to happen again.

Well there you have the first 5 rules for you ladies who are trying to know how to be the best jump-off you can possibly be. Stay tuned for the final 5 on Monday. – Philly (sophisticatedignorance.net)